Having chronic pain isn’t anything new for me. I’ve been living with back and joint pain for as long as I can remember. With that, however, a painkiller will at least take the edge off if it.
These migraines, if that’s even what they are, don’t respond to any painkillers or to any migraine meds that I’ve tried. The pain doesn’t let up, so I’m stuck with an unending ache into head that sometimes radiates into my neck, and even as far as my shoulders.
Being in this kind of pain without relief has been very draining, physically and emotionally. I couldn’t help but wonder, what happens if they can’t find a cause, or a cure, for this? What if I just have to be with this pain for the rest of my life?
That thought was very depressing, and it made me despondent. I sat at my desk, looking blankly at a wall and feeling lost.
Then it began to rain, which quickly turned into a storm. I’ve always loved rainstorms–when I was younger, I would go outside and walk in them, just letting myself get soaked. I grabbed a chair and went out on my balcony to watch it.
The rain flooded my parking lot, flowing like a stream. The wind whipped the surface of it, making ripples and tiny waves appear. My bare legs and feet were misted by the drops that fell from my balcony railing. I watched the drops fall, and watched a spider attempting to fix her ruined web.
I sat outside until the storm blew over, just watching in silence. Nothing in me had changed–my head was still aching–but the rain had brought me a sense of calm. I went back inside and went to bed, thankful for the peace that I had, even if it was only for the moment.